Running on Empty...and a Really Good Playlist

My body may be low battery, but my playlist. Fully charged and slightly unhinged.

You know the old saying, “small but mighty”? That’s what living with chronic illness is like. Except there’s a lot more days I feel small, rather than mighty.

When I open up about my illnesses, it sounds like a crazy, twisted Twilight Zone episode. I feel like a freak sometimes. From the scars across my chest, on my hands or the ones front and center on my neck, I feel like Sally. Stitched together, pieces of me falling off every now and then. Being confident isn’t always easy. Feeling comfortable in your own skin can be even harder after a new surgery or diagnosis. At times it can even feel that God hates you. I mean, why else would I be stuck in this failing body?

How do I cope? Music.

I have a playlist for those days. Some days feel overwhelming, impossible, then there’s the days when hope feels lost or when I’m drowning in appointments and treatments. Music is vital for the soul. Be it heartbreak, moments of uncertainty, happiness and joy or when I ask myself why I am here or what comes next.

Music brings clarity. It shines a light deep down in our souls, speaks to us, kicks us in the gut, gives us courage, moves us emotionally and reminds us of better days are coming. Music speaks softly and screams loudly when we need it.

As a spoonie, music is a lifeline. The days I’m tired, ready to give up, music wakes me up and shakes me free. The moments I’m lost in the why or how, music comforts. Music is the key to finding my voice again. Music calls me back to the fight and encourages me to dig deeper for one more day.

Music is life for the broken and its medicine for the sick. Some days it can be a wrecking ball; other days music can soothe the pain. Music is a gift echoing through our bones. Music whispers, “you’re not alone” when we need assurance. Music brings peace in loneliness. It pours down like rain in the silence. 

Music for the sick, resonates resilience when we feel we’re taking our last breath. Music may not be able to heal our bodies, but it does heal our souls.